January 2019 Funny Stories

A co-worker’s grandson bumped his head getting into the car and started crying. His parents asked to see his forehead, and when he moved his hand his mom said to his dad, “Ooh, he’s got a goose egg!” He started crying harder than before and the worried parents asked him if it was feeling worse. Through his sobs, he managed to ask, “Is it going to hatch?”
Craig Mayle, Westcliffe

My daughter was planning her wedding and asked her nephew if he would be willing to be an usher. Since his only experience as an usher was at church, he looked at her with a puzzled expression and asked, “So, you want me to collect money?”
Doris McCallie, Kremmling

One afternoon, my daughter Ashley and my 7-year-old granddaughter MaKenzie were in a local secondhand store looking for unique coffee cups. After locating a few to purchase, they were walking toward the checkout counter when MaKenzie told her mama she was thirsty. They went to the cooler, got a bottle of water and went to the checkout line. Then, as they were putting the items on the counter, MaKenzie asked her mama, “Is this water used, too?”
Doug Martin, Pueblo

My 10-year-old son and I were watching a cake competition on television. One of the contestants ran out of time and wasn’t able to put arms on one of the figures on the cake, so he was worried he was going to be eliminated. My son turned to me and asked, “So, he’s going out on a limb?”
Carol Snyder, Monument