February 2017 Funny Stories

Our 4-year-old granddaughter, Emily, was spending the day with Papa and me. A friend and I were sitting at the kitchen table looking at some cosmetics she was selling, and Emily was running in and out of the house. After my friend left, Emily came in the house and wanted to know what my friend was doing here. I told her she was selling me some cream for my wrinkles. Off she went.

Several weeks later I was riding in the back of her mother’s van sitting between Emily and her 2-year-old sister, Whitney. Emily was staring at me and shortly announced, “Grandma, I don’t think that cream is working!”
Sallie McQueen, Cañon City

While a woman was out to lunch, her coworker answered her phone and told the caller that she would be back in 20 minutes. The caller asked, “Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”

Several years ago I lived in Minneapolis, employed by Northwest Airlines. One miserable winter morning, I was slaving away trying to clear my driveway from a hard-packed coating of ice and snow. My next-door neighbor was across the yard doing the same thing. In a moment of frustration, knowing where I worked, he called over and asked, “Can I fly Northwest to Florida?” I replied, “Yes, you probably can, but you would get there faster if you went southeast.”
Don Brooks, Monument

We were driving through town when a glorious display of sunlight beams shot through the partly cloudy skies. Our young daughter noticed them and then exclaimed to her four younger brothers, “Look! That’s God sucking up the dead people!”
Corinne Sandner, Cortez